The Dixon Rule

“No, this is why we broke up, Percy. Because we’re not compatible. Because you’re so distrustful of me when I never give you any reason not to trust me. I didn’t even look at another guy when we were together, and I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life, yet you interrogate me about every single guy I talk to, including this jerk […] I don’t even like him. So yes, clearly we’re mismatched in what we need from a relationship.”

Percy’s obsession with Diana hints that he might become violent and unpredictable when she asserts her boundaries and attempts to cut him from her life, foreshadowing the centrality of the theme Overcoming Shame After Abuse. His jealousy and insecurity add tension to the narrative and place Diana’s personal safety in danger, adding an element of suspense to the novel.

“I like having a girlfriend. I don’t care if that makes me a total sap. Deep down, I’ve always been a relationship guy. Always had this clear vision for my life, one that really solidified when I started dating Lynsey. There’s a reason I haven’t ragged on Ryder that much about his elopement with Gigi Graham. To me, it’s not an unfathomable move. I always saw myself marrying young.”

Despite what Diana thinks of Shane, his perspective reveals that he prefers relationships. However, due to the fact that he is still not over his ex, Shane has attempted various flings in order to rebound, but to no avail.

“She’d always wanted me to be her partner. Thought it would be fun to do it as a couple. Which, frankly, always surprised me because there are far better dancers than I am, and Lynsey is incredibly ambitious. To her, winning an amateur ballroom dance competition is equivalent to securing an Olympic gold medal. I suspect she was secretly relieved whenever I would balk and say absolutely not. Now I’m wondering if my resistance is yet another reason she dumped me.”

This passage highlights the incompatibility between Shane and Lynsey. Her competitiveness and ambition would not have allowed her to tolerate Shane’s subpar dancing and, thus, he never felt comfortable accepting her invitation to dance with her for NUABC. Furthermore, Shane’s suspicion that this is a reason they broke up, and his readiness to blame himself for their relationship’s failure, highlights that the relationship makes him doubt himself more than it empowers him. His different attitude toward dancing with Diana turns the dance competition into an important symbol of their compatibility (See: Symbols & Motifs).

“Every word you’re saying right now is the reason we can’t be friends. I’m sorry things ended and that you didn’t want them to, but we’re not together anymore. So, please, I need you to respect that. I need you respect my boundaries and go.”

This passage highlights Diana’s growing discomfort with Percy’s pursuits and her desperation for him to leave her alone. The passage aids in heightening the tension of the story leading up to the moment Percy first physically abuses Diana.

“It suddenly occurs to me that maybe she’s intentionally bringing a buffer along. We’re supposedly friends now, though. Friends shouldn’t require a buffer. Which tells me she’s afraid to be alone with me. And the only reason that would scare her is because…she still has feelings for me too. Or maybe I’m reaching.”

This passage reveals Shane’s lingering feelings for his ex, Lynsey. His overanalyzing of a simple conversation hints that he has residual feelings and would take her back if she expressed interest.

“I like to think I have discipline, but ballet required more than I was willing to give. Same for gymnastics. When I was a kid, I dreamed of going to the Olympics. Until I realized that you literally don’t get to have a life. You have to live and breathe gymnastics. To be honest, I prefer teaching to doing. I’m coaching at a youth cheer camp this summer and it’s so rewarding.”

This quote highlights Diana’s self-awareness and her ability to prioritize a balanced life over the relentless pursuit of perfection. Her decision to step away from demanding disciplines like ballet and gymnastics reflects her lack of interest in devoting her life to only one thing. Diana’s outlook embodies the theme of Embracing Life to the Fullest.

“‘I could never teach. I don’t have that kind of patience, especially with children. I get annoyed when I see them doing something wrong.’ Her remark doesn’t surprise me. I’m rapidly forming an opinion about Shane’s ex, and it’s not entirely positive […] ‘I get more satisfaction mastering my own skills.’”

This exchange highlights a key contrast between Diana and Lynsey, emphasizing their differing values and approaches to Embracing Life to the Fullest. Diana’s appreciation for teaching and fostering growth in others reflect her selflessness and nurturing nature, while Lynsey’s focus on personal mastery underscores her individualistic priorities. This moment subtly critiques Lynsey’s inability to find joy in shared success, further illustrating why Shane’s relationship with her lacked balance and emotional reciprocity.

“Just because I didn’t want to enter dance competitions with her doesn’t mean I wasn’t sitting in the front row at all her performances, cheering her on. But maybe I could have done more. Tried harder. I’m probably more selfish than most people, but that’s because of hockey. It makes you selfish […] Maybe I didn’t quite find that balance between hockey and girlfriends, but given the chance, I know I can navigate those two worlds better now.”

This quote captures Shane’s introspection and growth as he reflects on the shortcomings of his past relationship with Lynsey. His acknowledgment of his potential selfishness and the imbalance between hockey and his personal life demonstrates his increasing self-awareness and desire to improve.

“I force myself to rise from the bench and leave the locker room. I can’t hide in here forever. I can’t hide in my apartment, either, which is what I’ve been doing for days, and as I head down the sidewalk away from the high school, I vow not to let what Percy did turn me into something I’m not. A coward and a shut-in. A basket case. When my phone rings in my hand, I flinch instinctively. Luckily, Percy hasn’t found a way to contact me. But it is my dad calling, which is probably even worse.”

This quote reveals Diana’s internal battle as she struggles to reconcile her identity with the trauma caused by Percy’s abuse. Her determination not to let his actions redefine her reflects her resilience and desire to reclaim her sense of self. However, her instinctive flinch at her ringing phone and dread of her father’s call highlight the lingering effects of fear and shame, illustrating the complexity of her emotional recovery and the challenges of Overcoming Shame After Abuse.

“You’re having anxiety attacks. No, damn it. I can’t be. I never feel anxiety. Even before a cheer competition, the nerves come in the form of giddy excitement. Fear isn’t something I feel often, and when I do, it’s entirely justified. Like that time Gigi and I were walking down a dark alley in Boston and heard a car backfire. I genuinely thought it was a gunshot, and the resulting jolt of adrenaline injected into my bloodstream had been intense.”

This passage captures Diana’s struggle to accept the emotional toll of her trauma. Her denial notes her self-perception as someone immune to fear and weakness, making the realization of her vulnerability all the more jarring.

“My stomach drops at the mention of Percy. It seems like I only manage to keep my anxiety at bay so long as I don’t allow myself to remember Percy exists. But then I see him on the path or someone brings him up, and the panic returns. In an instant, I feel that phantom pain in my eye, that suffocating tightness in my throat, and I remember I’m not the Diana I was a month ago. I’m the Diana who lets a man hit her.”

Diana’s anxiety is tied not only to the memory of Percy’s violence but also to the internalized shame of perceiving herself as someone who “allowed” it to happen. The juxtaposition of her past confidence with her current vulnerability reflects the emotional battle she faces in reconciling her resilience with the weight of her experience.

“I’m suddenly reminded of the wedding I went to with Percy last year […] He barely said a word to anyone the whole time and kept a deadly grip on my hand or a possessive arm around my shoulders whenever anyone with a penis tried to talk to me. I broke up with him not long after that. I was starting to notice that behavior happening far too often for my liking. Unlike Percy, Shane doesn’t care who I talk to or dance with.”

This passage contrasts Percy’s possessive and controlling behavior with Shane’s healthy and secure approach to Finding Empowerment in Relationships. Percy’s oppressive actions, exemplified by his physical dominance and judgmental silence, serve as a stark reminder of the anxiety and loss of autonomy Diana experienced with him. In contrast, Shane’s lack of possessiveness demonstrates his trust and respect for Diana’s independence, evidencing the stark difference between toxic control and supportive partnership.

“‘Stop scaring him with stories about me beating people up, Dad.’ She seems embarrassed, but something else flickers through her expression too. Anxiety, maybe? ‘We don’t want to give him the wrong idea. I’m actually a huge wimp.’

Tom Senior slings his arm around his daughter’s shoulders and plants a kiss on her temple. ‘Nothing wimpy about you.’ He glances at me with a smile. ‘This is the toughest girl you’ll ever meet.’ Diana smiles too, but I notice it doesn’t quite reach her eyes.”

This passage subtly reveals Diana’s internal struggle with her identity as someone perceived as strong and unbreakable, juxtaposed with her private feelings of vulnerability as she struggles with Overcoming Shame After Abuse. The smile that doesn’t reach her eyes subtly conveys the emotional burden of maintaining this facade following Percy’s assault.

“There’s another beat of awkwardness. A couple months ago, I was desperate to hear her voice. Now I’m unsure of what to say to her. I can’t flirt—she has a boyfriend. And even if I wanted to flirt, it feels disrespectful toward Diana to do that. She and I might not be together, but we still have sex almost every night.”

This passage depicts Shane’s shifting emotional priorities as his feelings for Diana deepen. His hesitation to flirt with Lynsey reflects not only his respect for her relationship status, but also his growing attachment to Diana, even as their relationship lacks formal definition.

“He’s not your real boyfriend. Well, maybe he fucking should be, I silently snap at the voice in my head. My volatile response to Lynsey’s threat gives me pause. Is that what I really want? For Shane to be my boyfriend? My mind is suddenly a jumbled mess. The only thing I’m certain about is that I cannot fucking stand Shane’s ex.”

This quote marks a pivotal moment of self-realization for Diana, as her defensive reaction to Lynsey’s taunt forces her to confront her deeper feelings for Shane. Her inner conflict—oscillating between denying and acknowledging her desire for a genuine relationship—reveals her emotional vulnerability and growing attachment to him.

“She throws her arms up in a victory pose, and I notice a few guys in their mid to late twenties blatantly checking her out. Yeah, my fake girlfriend’s hot. If I’m being honest, though…this isn’t feeling very fake anymore. Sure, we’re friends with benefits, but those benefits are starting to extend beyond the sexual variety. We’re constantly texting. Calling each other. Dancing together.”

Shane realizes that his relationship with Diana has evolved far beyond their initial arrangement. His acknowledgment that their connection feels increasingly real underscores his deepening emotional investment, as he values her presence in both intimate and everyday moments. Diana’s willingness to participate in his interests, coupled with Shane’s appreciation for her efforts, also reflects the theme of Finding Empowerment in Relationships.

“In the three months we’ve been doing this, we’ve never spent the night together. It’s been our way to keep it strictly friends with benefits. Or rather, friends with most benefits except for sleeping over, because that feels a little too intimate.”

This passage illustrates the breakdown in boundaries set forth at the beginning of Diana and Shane’s casual arrangement. This moment reflects their struggle to balance the pretense of casualness with the undeniable connection forming between them, foreshadowing the eventual shift from “friends with benefits” to an actual relationship.

“Originally, I agreed to partner up with Diana to make Lynsey jealous, but I can’t remember the last time I thought about my ex. I’ve been absorbed with hockey and Diana and school. These days, when Diana and I schedule a dance rehearsal, the only thing I’m thinking about is how much fun we’re going to have.”

This passage highlights Shane’s emotional transformation as he realizes his focus has shifted entirely from thoughts of getting Lynsey back to now fostering his growing connection with Diana. While initially driven by ulterior motives, his dance partnership with Diana has led to a true relationship of genuine fun and fulfillment (See: Symbols & Motifs).

“Disbelief fills her eyes. ‘You think I transferred schools because of a guy? You know me better than that, Lindy. My future is far too important for me to act on whims.’ Something about her indignant response rubs me the wrong way. It’s one word. One word is the problem. Her future. Our entire relationship was about her future, her ballet schedule, her friends. Our lives revolved around what she wanted to do and where she wanted to go. The realization smacks me in the face like a rogue hockey puck.”

Shane receives clarity regarding the imbalance in his past relationship with Lynsey. Her pigeonholed focus on her future evidences the one-sidedness of their dynamic, where Shane’s needs and aspirations were secondary to hers. This realization marks a turning point for Shane, as he acknowledges the lack of reciprocity and emotional equity in their relationship, further highlighting why his connection with Diana feels more genuine.

“I have to say this. And you have to hear it. I know you’ve had it easy so far in life. Your mom and I wanted that for you. We’ve tried to make things as easy as we could for you to be able to meet your dreams. Let you pursue hockey, make sure you don’t need to worry about rent or expenses, or struggle for anything. You still won’t have to worry about money, but you will struggle now because I’m going to be gone, and your mom and your sister are going to need you.”

This quote encapsulates the weight of responsibility Shane’s father places on him, introducing the transition Shane must make from a life of relative ease to one of greater accountability. His father’s words serve as both a loving farewell and a call to maturity, challenging Shane to step into a new role as a source of strength and support for his family.

“When I really reflect on it, I realize that somewhere along the line, I simply gave up because of her disinterest in me. The awareness that I’ll never be smart enough for her took its toll and I stopped caring. But I should care. I don’t begrudge anyone who cuts off a family member; there are multiple reasons to do it, and I would never judge if someone said, oh, I don’t speak to my mother. I wouldn’t question it because I’d assume they had their reasons. But, in the grand scheme of things, mine isn’t so bad.”

This passage depicts Diana’s introspection and emotional growth as she confronts her strained relationship with her mother. Her recognition that she stopped trying to connect due to her mother’s lack of interest reveals the emotional toll of feeling inadequate in the eyes of a parent. However, Diana’s decision to reframe their dynamic and acknowledge that her situation isn’t irreparable signals her maturity and willingness to take responsibility for healing the relationship.

“The longer I’m here, the more I realize how idealized my view of life has been. I’ve been injected with a dose of reality. My whole vision about being a young husband, a young dad, and believing I could still give equal focus to hockey, to intensive training and a grueling schedule…I’ve never considered myself to be naive. But…yeah. It’s a challenging balance I’d never be able to strike right now.”

Shane is becoming more self-aware as he reconciles his idealistic aspirations with the practical realities of Embracing Life to the Fullest. His acknowledgment of the challenges inherent in balancing family responsibilities with a demanding hockey career demonstrates his growing emotional maturity. By recognizing the naivety of his previous beliefs, Shane takes a significant step toward aligning his ambitions with the realities of his circumstances.

“As I relate the evening’s events, it’s difficult to control the sick feeling in my stomach and the weak, fluttery sensations that keep trembling through me. The doctor gave me something for the anxiety, but I know a pill or two isn’t going to fix what’s wrong. As embarrassing as it felt to admit weakness, I remembered what my dad had told me about asking for help, and so I asked my doctor if she could arrange for a counselor to come see me […] It’s time to face them head-on, no matter how scary that might be.”

Diana’s decision to seek counseling, despite her initial shame when she first encountered abuse, reflects her growing confidence in her inherent strength and a willingness to confront the emotional toll of her trauma. By acknowledging her anxiety and taking proactive steps to address it, Diana exemplifies the courage required to face vulnerability head-on and marks her triumph in Overcoming Shame After Abuse.