Tell Me What You Did

“My guests? They’re seeking fame in a sick kind of way. Sure, some of them truly feel massive relief confessing their crimes on a national platform, and by last count, nearly 30 percent have shed tears in the process. But they could confess anywhere. They want to do it here because, if the story is interesting enough, it’ll create a buzz online.”

Poe’s analysis of her guests plays into the novel’s examination of The Impact of True-Crime Media. She acknowledges that many of the criminals who call into her show are seeking attention for their crimes, which they are likely to receive. Providing violent criminals a platform to confess to millions of interested listeners risks encouraging or glorifying their actions.

“The conversation we’ve had a half dozen times in our relationship is over his spidey-sense that I’m not being truthful. That I’m hiding something from him, not letting him see the real me. I’ve compensated by telling him every last bit about my past with a couple of major exceptions. He doesn’t know what happened to my mother, much less what I did about it.”

Wilson establishes Poe’s struggle to be honest with her loved ones. Her inability to tell Kip the truth about her past impedes the progress of her relationship, illustrating how her lack of vulnerability hurts her and the people who care for her.

“IH: Sounds like that’s why you started your show in the first place. Because you’re as guilty as all of them.”

Here, Hindley compares Poe to her guests. Like many of her callers, she has committed murder. The only difference between herself and her guests is their motive. Tell Me What You Did raises the question of whether motive can justify murder.

“My mind is elsewhere for these few seconds. It goes, as it sometimes does, to my farmhouse. To how isolated I am out here. To the thought of a downstairs window softly breaking, a hand reaching in to unlock the clasp. To a body climbing through the open window, then softly ghosting its way up the stairs. There’s no creaking because this person knows exactly how to place their weight to remain silent.”

This is one of many waking nightmares Poe experiences—a motif throughout the novel. Her persistent visions of being killed and harmed illustrate how deeply her past traumas pervade her life, making it impossible for her to feel safe.

“‘Why, Poe. Dear Poe,’ he says. ‘I killed your mother.’”

Hindley’s claim to be the man who killed Poe’s mother throws her recollection of her mother’s murder into doubt. By introducing uncertainty about the murderer’s identity, Hindley makes Poe (and readers) question whether she killed an innocent man, illustrating the challenges of Accepting Moral Ambiguity.

“I spend my life on guard, my eyes scanning every room I walk into. My conversations with others mostly consist of sarcasm and profanity, the combination of which throws up a shield few penetrate. I live a life purposely isolated, just to minimize the chances of being caught in a vulnerable moment.”

Poe describes the way that she intentionally distances herself from others to avoid making herself vulnerable. Though this tactic makes her feel safer, it also results in a lonely and unfulfilled life. Poe’s aversion to close relationships again illustrates how deeply her past has scarred her.

“I have so many questions, but the one that floats to the top is this: Who the fuck did I kill in New York City?”

After Hindley reveals information that should only be known to Hutchins, Poe is forced to confront the possibility that the man she killed in New York was not her mother’s murderer. Since the murder, she has felt no remorse because she was certain she killed a man who deserved to die, but the possibility of mistaken identity forces her to question the morality of her actions, highlighting the difficulty of Accepting Moral Ambiguity.

“It’s time to talk. It might be the only thing that saves us. Might be the only thing that saves me.”

Hindley’s threats spur Poe to be more honest with her loved ones about her life. She realizes that continuing to conceal the past will ultimately only leave them vulnerable to more harm.

“See, that’s the thing about trauma. You never get to quit it. You never get to walk away from it and rediscover the innocence and joy you felt just before The Thing happened. It’s just always there, an unwashable stain that you eventually grow to live with because you have no other choice.”

Here, Poe works through her feelings about the traumatic events she experienced as a child. She cannot choose to leave behind her memories or the lingering effects of her trauma, but she correctly states that she will eventually “grow to live with” her pain, foreshadowing her eventual character growth.

“I’m sorry. I can’t believe I didn’t say anything. They might have caught him if I did.”

Though Poe experiences no guilt around the murder she committed, she feels massively guilty about not intervening to stop her mother’s murder or assisting with the investigation more as a child. This guilt partially fuels her drive to identify and silence Hindley.

“As far as I can remember, I’ve only had one good dream in the past seventeen years.”

The rarity of Poe’s pleasant dream highlights the constant state of agitation and fear that she has lived in since her mother’s murder. The dream becomes an important symbol in the narrative, re-emerging only when Poe has achieved peace of mind.

“Seems like all Alice wanted was to be left alone. But the past seized her by the throat and wouldn’t let go. Yeah.”

Poe identifies with Alice Hill because both women are haunted by, and re-victimized because of, their traumatic pasts. Alice can relate to Poe in a way that most others can’t, laying the groundwork for their friendship, which becomes key to Poe’s healing.

“Walk us through how you found this man you believed to be Leopold Hutchins and describe what, exactly, you did to him. Then your faithful listeners can choose to believe if you are a hero or a villain.”

Hindley persistently taunts Poe with the idea that she is a villain, a sociopath, or a bad person because she has killed another human being. Here, he ironically weaponizes her podcast against her, forcing her into the hot seat that is usually reserved for her guests. Just as Poe’s listeners judge the usual criminal guests, they will now have a chance to judge Poe, forcing Poe to confront The Impact of True Crime Media.

“The thing is, I don’t want to be alone. But I’m realizing in this moment that being alone is a hell of a lot easier than letting someone see the real me.”

Poe acknowledges her competing desires to be safe and to have fulfilling relationships. After 17 years of pushing people away, being alone comes much more naturally to her than being vulnerable.

“Even after my mom died, it just wasn’t a thing my dad and I did. But the deep grooves of the past don’t have to chart the course of the future. Starting tonight, we hug.”

Though this quote refers to Poe’s decision to start hugging her father every night, it can be applied to the broader narrative. Much of Poe’s character growth involves learning that the traumas of her past, and the self-destructive habits she’s developed as a result, don’t have to define her future.

“We drink. That’s what my family does. I’m mostly casual about it, a couple of drinks every night. My dad? I don’t know. Maybe more.”

Here, Poe acknowledges her dependency on alcohol, an issue she shares with her father and a motif in the novel. Both drink to cope with feelings of grief, guilt, and trauma, and their dependency on alcohol symbolizes the ongoing hold that this past trauma has on them.

“‘You’re a cheater,’ I mumble. ‘Mom was a cheater. And I’m a killer. The world spins madly on. We just have to move forward.’”

As Poe shares the truth of her life with her loved ones, she discovers that they are also keeping secrets from her, a fact that is both distressing and comforting. Here, she makes a darkly humorous nod to the fact that her whole family had skeletons in their closet.

“IH: I think we’re much more similar than you think. Let me ask, of all the emotions you were feeling while preparing to kill another human, was guilt one of them?

PW: No.

IH: See? We are basically the same.

PW: If you are who you claim to be, you hurt innocent people. Mine was a revenge killing. Huge difference. I’d watched this man slaughter my mother. This person deserved to die, just as much as my mother deserved to live.”

Hindley and Poe debate the ethics of murder. Throughout the novel, they display conflicting opinions on whether the motive behind a crime matters. Poe maintains that a murder committed in revenge or self-defense is not immoral, while Hindley argues that all murder is the same. In Hindley’s view, he and Poe are essentially the same kind of person, because they both committed murders that they do not regret.

“‘Happiness is a choice,’ Alice says. ‘You decide what makes you happy and pursue it, rather than waiting for it to announce itself.’”

Alice gives this advice to Poe after Poe asks how she copes with the violence in her past. Alice represents a more healed and settled version of Poe. She has dealt with a similar tragedy but has found constructive coping mechanisms rather than destructive ones, which has allowed her to find happiness even though she still deals with trauma. Alice urges Poe to take more agency in her life.

“I go quiet on the group while I read more comments, all the while feeling more and more detached from reality. I begin to float, an out-of-body experience, watching all these strangers dissect in minute detail the horrors of my life. Maybe they care; I don’t know. But I think sleuthing is their choice of drug. It’s not genuine concern. And I don’t blame them. I’d be the same way.”

This quote comes from Poe as she browses a Facebook group dedicated to discussing Hindley. She highlights The Impact of True-Crime Media, noting that true crime content can alienate its subjects, turning their real traumas into entertainment fodder. Poe states that she would be the same way if she were a viewer rather than a victim, illustrating that being aware of this dynamic does not necessarily lead to changing it.

“‘Are you thinking about leaving town again?’ he asks. ‘I know he found you in Stowe, but you could head somewhere else.’

I shake my head. ‘I’m done running.’”

Though Gadecki is asking about Poe’s physical location, her answer refers to both her physical and emotional state. Poe has tried to outrun her past for 17 years, but now that Hindley has exposed her, she is finally ready to face up to it.

“‘Tell me,’ he says, ‘when you poisoned my brother, how much did he suffer?’”

Here, Hindley finally reveals his identity and his motivation. The revelation that he is not Hutchins means that Poe did not kill an innocent man. Wilson draws a parallel between Hindley and Poe, as both commit crimes to avenge a murdered loved one.

“I no longer care about being caught. I embrace who I am and what I’m about to do. I will wear my actions with a badge of honor, and if I spend the rest of my life in prison, I’d still prefer that to knowing Hindley still breathes.”

After walking the line between victim and perpetrator throughout the narrative, Poe casts off her fears about the judgments of others and decides to kill Hindley. She has fully accepted her complex morality and feels no qualms about killing for revenge and self-defense.