Pen Pal

“I could bore you with the details, but for now, just trust that I know you. In every way one person can know another, I know you. I know the sight, sound, taste, and smell of you. I know your darkest darks and your lightest lights. I know your dreams, your nightmares, and every secret you’ve ever kept hidden, all those nameless desires you never admitted even to yourself. I know the shape of your soul.”

Dante’s letter is ominous, but it contains a romantic tone. He claims to know every part of Kayla, including her nightmares, dreams, and secrets. This, coupled with the declaration “I know the shape of your soul” indicates that he knows her intimately. By the end of the novel, Dante’s identity as Aidan is revealed. As a result, these letters establish Aidan’s love for Kayla, even after death, and show The Transcendence of Love Beyond the Physical Realm.

“Michael didn’t have any enemies, and neither do I. We’re your average middle-class married couple, both overworked and overtired, so our idea of fun is snuggling together on the sofa to watch a movie on Friday nights. Was. Our idea of fun was watching a movie together. We’ll never do that again. The sudden tightness in my chest makes it impossible to breathe. Dizzy, I rest my head on my forearms and listen to the rain tapping against the windows like a thousand fingernails.”

Kayla’s portrayal of her and Michael’s marriage as uneventful and normal is part of her illusion as a ghost. She presents them as a typically middle-class married couple who watched movies together and snuggled—a picture in stark contrast to the details later revealed. She is unable to confront the memories of abuse, leading her to gloss over those issues. However, lying to herself has a physical effect, both in the sudden tightness in her chest, which makes breathing impossible, and the increase in rainfall. Both details foreshadow her death by drowning when Michael kills her.

“The marks could also have been caused by the accident. But I don’t want to think about that. Because thinking about it would mean remembering it, reliving it, and I’m not prepared for that yet. I doubt I’ll ever be. I’ve put that horrible day into a box and put the box up on a high shelf in the back of my mind for safekeeping. But knowing as I do that my mental health is fragile, I decide to attend a local grief group.”

Kayla’s denial in the novel is explicit. Here, explains how she represses her memories to protect herself from what she thinks is grief, employing a metaphor of placing grief on a high shelf she is unable to reach or easily access. What she does not yet realize is that the “box” contains memories of abuse, not love, and she is protecting herself from reliving the domestic violence that led to her death. Her decision to seek out a local grief group highlights The Impact of Unresolved Grief and Guilt.

“A couple takes the two stools to my left. They’re laughing and talking about the movie they’ve just seen. The man slings an arm casually around the woman’s shoulders, pulling her in for a kiss. Watching them, I’m shot through the heart with an arrow of anguish. The kiss. The companionship. The simple joy of being with someone you love, sharing a laugh and a drink. Thinking you have all the time in the world until, out of nowhere, that clock stops ticking. My throat closes.”

Kayla is upset by the sight of a happy couple. Her use of the metaphor “shot through the heart with an arrow of anguish” underscores the palpable emotional and physical discomfort she feels seeing the scene. Further, it evokes imagery, as it paints a clear picture of her tangible upset. Her reference to the “clock stops ticking” refers to Michael’s death, which ended Kayla’s supposedly happy marriage. However, this passage foreshadows the events surrounding Kayla and Aidan’s deaths, in which they are actively enjoying a romantic evening together that Michael’s jealousy interrupts.

“I take a moment to orient myself to this new version of reality where I’m waking up on a mattress on the floor with a man who lives over a bar and has more tattoos on his chest alone than everyone else I know has combined, and decide almost instantly that I like it. Him, I mean. I like him. That surprises me. I’m not prone to liking people in general. I mildly distrust most people until I get to know them better, which is usually when I decide I don’t ever want to see them again.”

Kayla consistently contrasts her life with Aidan and her former life married to Michael. Aidan’s tattoos and living situation evoke hardship and edge, but Kayla sees how this contrast is beneficial. Notably, it relieves her of Michael’s judgment and anger. Kayla is surprised that she likes Aidan because he is different from Michael. This foreshadows how difficult her marriage to Michael was.

“I lean against him with my arms wrapped around his waist and my breasts pressed against his chest and wonder again what Michael would think if he could see me now. Which is when the guilt hits me, cold and solid as a brick dropped onto my head. A nasty little voice inside my mind starts hissing insults. Your husband hasn’t been dead a full month yet, and you’ve already had sex with another man! How could you?”

The voice in Kayla’s head explains the impact of unresolved grief and guilt she feels for most of Inferno. She misses the illusory Michael she believes is dead and laments her attraction and love for Aidan as a betrayal of that fictional marriage. The phrase “cold and solid as a brick dropped onto my head” employs a simile to compare the weight of guilt to a heavy object. Further, the quote uses personification to describe Kayla’s voice inside her head “hissing insults” like a person would. The imagery of this creates a concrete picture of the negative, intrusive nature of Kayla’s inner voice. These feelings also highlight the depth of Kayla’s illusion, as Kayla believes she is still alive.

“‘Back up a sec. Safe words?’ ‘In case I get too rough with you.’ I almost laugh out loud. ‘There’s no such thing. I love how rough you are.’ He falls still. Gazing at me with unblinking intensity, he says slowly, ‘I could hurt you, Kayla. Accidentally, I mean. I don’t want that to happen.’ I like that he’s so concerned with my well-being. I also like that he’s taking the time to communicate that. What I don’t like is the sudden and unwelcome thought that maybe he’s hurt someone in the past. Accidentally or not, it seems as if there might be a story there.”

Though Aidan’s concern for Kayla’s well-being is largely rooted in his love for her, it is also influenced by his past. Aidan killed his father to protect his mother. This makes him worry about the damage he could inflict on another person, evidenced by his falling still and saying matter-of-factly, “I could hurt you, Kayla.” Aidan and Kayla are both new to the dominant/submissive style of sexual play, and Aidan wants to make sure his violence does not extend beyond the bedroom, as he is concerned about her well-being and safety. This shows The Contrast Between Sexual and Romantic Equity.

“That seems like a lifetime ago. I was a different woman then. A younger, happier woman who hadn’t yet tasted any of life’s bitter betrayals. How naïve we are when we’re young. How easily we trust that the sun will keep rising and setting, warming our days. And what a terrible blow it is to discover it isn’t the sun that makes things bright, but the people who love us, so that when they’re gone, everything is plunged into darkness.”

In this quote, Kayla reflects on her previous life before Michael’s death and violence, describing herself as “a younger, happier woman” who had yet to experience “life’s bitter betrayals.” Kayla reflects that, initially, she believed the sun was responsible for “warming her days.” However, she soon realized it was the people who love you who are responsible for ensuring one’s sense of uplift. The tone thus shifts from youthful naivete to mature clarity, as Kayla understands Michael’s absence has created darkness. The use of the verb “plunged” emphasizes how this emotional shift was sudden and jarring.

“Dealing with men is like dealing with a hostile alien species who crash-landed on the planet and decided our language and customs are too silly to be bothered with, and henceforth we should be treated with mild disdain and/or as objects of occasional sexual release before being ignored as inferior beings again. I do feel better having the alarm, however, so that’s one positive thing.”

Kayla’s perspective on men is distinctly myopic, and she uses specific terms in her hyperbolic description. Men are a “hostile alien species” who “crash-landed” and ignore “our language and customs.” These terms frame men as aggressive, destructive, and willfully ignorant, foreshadowing the later reveal regarding Michael’s abusive behavior. Though Kayla applies these terms to Aidan, who genuinely cares for Kayla, they highlight her suspicions and caution during their budding relationship.

“It’s a bruise. A small, dark bruise in the shape of a thumb. I fall still. Something dark gathers into a storm inside me. A noise like a thousand wingbeats echoes in my ears. Beneath it, there’s a faint muffled sound that could be screaming, but it sounds as if it’s coming from very far away. Or underwater. All the tiny hairs on the back of my neck stand on end. I feel as if an important understanding hovers just out of my reach, a key to a lock on a door I didn’t know until this moment even existed. What is it? What am I missing.”

The bruising Kayla finds on herself and in her photos hints at the abuse she experienced in her marriage. As a ghost, Kayla cannot yet confront her death or the events leading up to it; thus, she is trapped at the brink of understanding. This quote foreshadows Michael’s killing of Kayla and Aidan, specifically Kayla’s drowning, with details such as feeling like the sound is coming from underwater. The metaphor of a key on a door’s lock Kayla previously didn’t know existed underscores how Kayla can sense that there is something just outside her reach. Its imagery shows that she is on the threshold of an important realization but hasn’t fully grasped it yet.

“‘What exactly is a safe word?’ ‘It’s a word that makes everything stop when you say it.’ ‘Hmm. How about cheesy?’ He arches his brows, waiting for an explanation. ‘Because it is cheesy.’ ‘No, it’s necessary. We need to communicate clearly about these things.’ I frown at him. ‘Since when are you Mr. Conversation? Half the time, I barely get a grunt out of you.’ Kneeling over me and stroking his palm over one of my burning ass cheeks, he smiles. ‘That’s funny.’ ‘In what way, exactly?’ ‘I talk to you more in one day than I talk to anyone else in a week.’”

Two critical pieces of information come to light in this passage. First, Kayla begins to understand why Aidan needs her to have a safe word. Second, she starts to understand how Aidan perceives her in his life. Aidan does not want a safe word because he thinks Kayla does not like their sex life. Rather, he wants to make sure they are also equitable in their relationship, underscoring the contrast between sexual and romantic equity. Additionally, his assertion that his limited communication with Kayla is more than he usually talks with anyone else shows he wants to commit to their relationship fully.

“I lie there in the dark enveloped in his warmth and think about Michael. Was I a good wife? I don’t know. I tried to be. More than anything, I wanted to make him happy. He wanted me to be happy, too, and I thought we were perfect for each other. All our jagged little pieces matched. We fit. But our relationship was nothing like this. I know it’s unfair to make comparisons. I also know it’s unfair that I lied to Aidan about being separated from my husband instead of simply telling him the truth.”

Kayla is still trying to deny the problems in her relationship, which she highlights in the phrase “jagged little pieces.” This metaphor comparing their flawed pieces trying to fit together like a puzzle contrasts with her previous framing of their marriage as ideal without any real faults. Additionally, she continues to juxtapose her relationship with Michael with her relationship with Aidan and expresses guilt that she lied to Aidan about Michael’s death. As she does not yet know the truth—that Michael killed her, and she is dead—she clings to this sense of guilt.

“This memory problem has to be caused by more than stress, but I’m extremely wary of doctors. Both my parents’ deaths were caused by medical misdiagnosis. My mother’s when her doctor misdiagnosed her lung cancer symptoms as asthma, and my father’s when his doctor told him those chest pains he’d been having for the past twelve hours were nothing more than heartburn. The doctor prescribed antacids, when in fact the culprit was a heart attack. By the time Dad was admitted to the emergency room, it was too late.”

This passage explains both of Kayla’s parents’ deaths, which were caused by medical misdiagnosis. As a result, she has an extreme distrust of medical professionals. This explains Kayla’s later struggle to visit a therapist. Instead, she is distracted by a psychic.

“No matter what happens, don’t tell the ghost it’s dead. They have no idea they’re no longer living…Ghosts are simply souls with a story to tell. When a person dies tragically or violently, their spirit often can’t move on. They have unfinished business that keeps them tied to this realm. Until they get closure, they will remain here, haunting the people and places that meant the most to them while they were alive.”

Fiona’s explanation of how ghosts work is a critical part of the text’s supernatural elements. Because Fiona cannot tell Kayla she is a ghost, and the narrative depends on Kayla not realizing this herself, this passage serves to cover those narrative requirements. By making it clear that ghosts had tragic ends, Kayla instantly thinks of Michael’s death. She does not yet realize that Fiona is trying to tell Kayla that Kayla’s death was tragic and violent.

“I can’t say exactly why, but something about the way we play together is so cathartic. Every time, it’s as if I’ve been baptized and reborn into a lighter version of my own body. Even though we’re pretending he’s in control, I always know, deep down, that I am. And even though we can get rough, there’s an underlying sense of care and safety that makes me feel adored like I’ve never been before.”

Kayla’s feelings about her relationship with Aidan are intrinsically paired with their sex life, both of which deviate significantly from her relationship with Michael. In many dark romances, characters see healthy expressions of roughness or violence, usually in the bedroom, as a means of overwriting real experiences of violence and abuse. In this case, Kayla’s feeling of catharsis comes from her ability to express herself as a submissive to Aidan’s dominant. She does so without fear of actual violence, which Michael inflicted upon her.

“His tenderness and concern are touching. He’s being so sweet and gentle, the opposite of my dominant, snarling beast from only minutes ago. It’s incredible how many different people one body can hold. We all walk around with a thousand strangers inside us, slumbering quietly until someone else wakes them up. Like the jolt of electricity that reanimated Frankenstein’s monster, all it takes for our sleeping giants to jump to life is a single spark.”

Here, Kayla notes the specific distinction between who someone is socially and who they are sexually. Kayla realizes that she has two sides to herself, including both the assertive and confident woman she is in daily life and the submissive “bunny” she becomes when she has sex with Aidan. Both identities operate alongside each other, without overwriting or devaluing the other. This emphasizes the contrast between sexual and romantic equity.

“I don’t sleep at all that night. I lie awake in bed, staring at the shadows playing on the ceiling and listening to the rain on the windowpanes, my head full of Aidan and my heart aching with the loss of him. I could call him, but he wouldn’t answer. I could go to his apartment and pound on the door, but he wouldn’t open up. I could write him a letter and beg and plead, but I know all I’d get in response would be silence. He’s doing it for me—for us—but damn, does it hurt.”

Unlike in her relationship with Michael, after which she wanted nothing to do with Michael, Kayla’s “break” from Aidan is torture. This passage highlights how valuable Aidan is to Kayla. It also reflects her struggle to accept her and Aidan’s deaths. Much like with the couple in the bar, Kayla has a latent feeling of loss regarding Aidan. This is because Michael murdered him in front of her before her own death.

“Why was I compelled to ask him for advice, anyway? The man is the very definition of cryptic. Yes, curiosity plays a big part in why I keep communicating with him, but there’s also something else. Some underlying reason I can’t quite put my finger on. Something almost…inescapable. Inevitable. As if our connection is governed by the stars.”

Dante Alighieri is an anagram for Aidan Leighrite. Here, the novel hints at the connection between Dante and Aidan, specifically the transcendence of love beyond the physical realm. Much like with Aidan, Kayla feels a cosmic or supernatural connection to Dante, evidenced by feeling like the stars govern their connection; this pushes her to continue contact with him. As with the bruises in her pictures, this connection is on the brink of forcing Kayla to remember her death.

“That night, I dream that I’m drowning. It’s vivid and horrifying. I wake up sweating, with a scream stuck in my throat. For the next three nights, I have the same dream. By Saturday morning, I’m a wreck. I haven’t been able to work at all. Every little creak of the house scares the bejesus out of me. The burning smell when I run the dryer changes to a stench of something putrid, like sewage. Only in my heightened nervous state, it smells like rotting flesh. When I investigate, I can’t find the source of it.”

Kayla’s dream mirrors her actual death, in which Michael killed her by drowning her. She keeps dreaming the same dream because she is rapidly beginning to deteriorate as she persists in denying her death. Her fears, the smell of flesh, and her anxiety all reflect the increasing difficulty of maintaining this denial.

“Precisely. We must gently coax him toward the truth. He has to come to it on his own. It’s like the steps a child takes to learn to read. First comes the alphabet. Then they learn short, easy words. Cat. Dog. Tree. Then they put the words together in simple sentences, until eventually, they’re devouring Shakespeare. Comprehension is a multi-step process. It doesn’t happen all at once…But sometimes, they lose sight of where to go. The dense reality of the third dimension combined with the gravity of our planet makes things quite complicated for a nontemporal being.”

Though Kayla is only just starting to realize how Claire and Fiona are guiding her toward realizing that she is a ghost, this passage highlights how Kayla has been functioning as an unreliable narrator throughout the text. Elements like the little boy and the man in a trench coat mix the fictional reality in which Kayla lives with real people like the Wainwrights’s son and memories of Michael stalking her. The quote emphasizes how Kayla is slowly realizing the truth of her death, compared here to how a child must first learn the alphabet before they can grasp short words and simple sentences before “devouring Shakespeare.” The phrase “comprehension is a multistep process” alludes to Kayla’s slow journey to understand the truth.

“I’ve been honoring the dead. My dead child. My dead marriage. My dead hopes for the life I once thought I’d have. Now, the only way I can think of to move on from the past is to do what humans do when we mourn that which is no longer living. Hold a funeral. I go upstairs to the master bedroom and find an empty shoebox in the closet. In it, I put our marriage license, my wedding ring, and the black-and-white sonogram of the baby from my first ultrasound appointment, along with a few other mementos.”

Kayla’s emotions and grief are complicated. Here, Kayla is mourning her marriage, which was abusive and harmful, evidenced by holding a “funeral” where she buries her marriage license, wedding ring, and the sonogram of her child. She is also mourning her death, which came about because of that marriage’s abuse. Likewise, she is mourning Aidan’s death and the death of their relationship, even though that relationship continues in the afterlife.

“The story is about his soul’s allegorical journey through the three realms of the dead: hell, purgatory, and heaven. He’s accompanied by three spirit guides along the way who help him understand what’s happening. At the end, he enters heaven, gains the knowledge of what God truly is, and achieves eternal salvation.”

Aidan’s summary of The Divine Comedy links that work and Pen Pal. Kayla spends the first part of the novel in “hell,” or Inferno, then rapidly pieces together her life in Purgatorio, and finally reaches “heaven” in Paradiso. The novel essentially reverses The Divine Comedy by having “Dante,” or Aidan, guide Kayla out of “hell.” This parallel also enhances the reference to Orpheus and Eurydice, in which Orpheus, like “Dante” or Aidan, guides Eurydice out of Hades. However, Orpheus fails in his task, highlighting Aidan’s superiority in the text over Michael.

“What we call memory is the intersection between imagination and fact. Memories are the stories we tell ourselves about the important events in our lives. In the telling, some details get lost, others embellished, until truth is closer to fiction. It’s like Fiona said. Each of us makes our own truths, even ghosts.”

Kayla acknowledges how she has been an unreliable narrator, and this passage serves a dual function in completing the story and rectifying inconsistencies from earlier in the novel. This passage marks Kayla’s understanding of the illusion in which she has been living. Specifically, she can now see the house and the world for what it truly is as opposed to the “own truths” she previously told.