Bringing Up Bébé: One American Mother Discovers the Wisdom of French Parenting

Creating a boundary frame means giving kids firm limits that parents strictly enforce while allowing kids within those limits to have a lot of freedom. Children are given rules and expectations and should follow them, but they have a great deal of autonomy and choice within those rules. Parents largely enforce this framework through verbal reasoning, reminders, and explanations. Rules of the cadre must have a logical purpose; the goal is to be able to say “yes” as much as possible. Children benefit from this approach because structure is comforting and reassuring, while freedom develops their personalities and confidence. The frame also makes family life less stressful because everyone knows what the expectations are.

La crèche is the name for French publicly funded daycare, used by families from all classes and walks of life. Daycare in general is seen as a highly beneficial experience for young children. It gives them opportunities to learn social skills and to discover things they may otherwise not. Crèches have high standards of care, with highly trained and well-paid staff and varied, healthy meals and snacks that promote the development of a complex palate. French daycares also give parents the chance to return to their careers, which is important for many French women.

The French idea is that raising children is part of “an ongoing of teaching her skills and values, which has nothing to do with school” (325). This means that parenting requires patience and persistence and that children are not expected to behave perfectly all the time. Educating a child involves teaching them French customs, expectations of behavior, and ideally instilling a worldview that is unselfish and respectful. This kind of education is a non-reactive process that aims to create a child who acts well of their own accord, rather than just because of the threat of discipline.